How To Create Better Creations In Your Relationships?
Why do we get so dang reactive when it comes to our relationships? I mean, why do we always think that we are right and defend ourselves at any cost?
It goes like this:
I was looking for an air mattress last night that my sister-in-law asked to borrow. I looked high and low. When I asked my oldest son, who what watching television, he snapped at me. That irritated me. I then asked my youngest son, who pretty much ignored me and went on about his business.
I knew that one of them knew where it was and I knew that I hadn’t pressed hard enough. So I started on a rampage through the house, closets, and storage. The longer it took the more irritable I became.
I attempted to ask the boys one more time and got the same, if not worse, response then the first time.
I got angrier, and more frustrated. When I finally found it, it was sandwiched between two large bags that my youngest son had stacked on top of each other several weeks ago when he was looking for something.
I blew a gasket. I knew that one of them knew where it was. I was so angry. I came in with both barrels loaded and was spitting fire.
My youngest son’s response was, “Why are you getting mad at me?” It went downhill from there.
The more I pressed my anger the more defensive he got. I was right and he was wrong. He should have told me. He should have helped me look for it. He should have been more sympathetic to my needs. I was right and he was wrong.
Slow down Hoss. Get off your high horse and take a step back.
Neither of my boys had my same agenda at that moment. Each of them was doing their own thing at the moment. People forget. Two weeks earlier when my youngest had moved the air mattress his focus wasn’t on the air mattress it was on something else.
But I turned it into WWIII. I was right and justified to boot. And I was going to get justice. I was going to be vindicated.
Whoa boy… slow down there. Sounds to me that you were being reactive; plain and simple.
That is exactly what it was. I was behaving like a horribly reactive jerk.
Let me help you break this down. I was creating. You get that don’t you? You can see that what I was creating was a mess? I was tearing down the relationship I have with my sons.
We are always creating. You cannot not create.
So what should I have done? What should a Creator do?
Creators recognize that they are always creating, and that being reactive almost always creates a mess, or almost always creates creations of distrust, disharmony, anger, frustration, and destruction.
Since Creators realize that they have the power to create valuable and important creations instead of choosing to react they choose to create.
I could have created a happy environment. I could have bribed my sons. I could have created a game of it, a competition. I could have created a teaching moment. I could have helped my sons with what they were doing and then have them help me.
Bottom line is …
I could have created an experience that strengthened our relationship. Instead I created a mess.
What are you creating with your relationships?
