Four Easy Steps To Creating An Amazing Life – Step One
If you are anything like me then this information is going to change your life forever – read on.
It wasn’t long ago that day-to-day living was horrible.
I hated life.
I hated everything.
I know the word “hate” is a pretty strong word, but that is exactly how I felt. I hated everything.
I didn’t end it all because I was just too chicken; besides I had two sons and they depended on me. Suicide is the ultimate selfish act and I hadn’t stooped that far – thankfully. But hate – that I could do. And I did it well.
I was angry. My fuse was short and my emotions were always on the surface. I frightened my sons – which would one day (when I stopped being so stupid selfish) turn out to break my heart.
Needless to say, life was far from amazing.
So what happened? What got me out of the depression?
Let me say right now that what I am about to say may not be your answer. It worked for me. It changed my life forever. But I categorically admit that it may not work for you. But by all means try it on, wear it for a while – it won’t cost you anything but a little time and effort.
I promise it won’t hurt. Heck, you may even have more success with what I am about to share than I ever dreamed possible. So don’t discount it till you’ve at least given it a chance to germinate within you.
I can say that I was depressed. I may have even been clinically depressed. I don’t know – again, I was too chicken – so I never gave that avenue a try. But I knew I was depressed. Looking at life through the lens of hate is pretty powerful depression. Yes, I know I was depressed.
Maybe pills would have helped – maybe not. I don’t know. That’s not my story. That wasn’t my path. It may be yours, but friend, that I am not qualified to say one way or the other.
How do you create an amazing life, especially starting from such a deep depressing hole?
First I have to tell you about one of the ugliest days of my life:
I came home from work early, because my wife was going to take her son (my stepson) away for the weekend. We’d been having a really hard time. I was stupid. She was stupid. We were playing relationship games. And the most destructive one of them all was the “blame game.” In my eyes it was all her fault and in her eyes it was all mine.
Been there? Then I’m sure you know what I am talking about. If you haven’t, then let me illustrate: find a brick wall and pound your head against it a few times as hard as you possibly can all the while trying to convince the brick wall that it’s not a brick wall but something else – when the brick wall doesn’t respond (which it won’t) pound your head against it a few more times. Repeat this until you have completely and utterly figured out that the brick wall will never change and that the only thing that can and should change is you.
That, my friend is what it’s like to play the “blame game” – no one wins.
We fought that day. We were both pounding our heads against the wall. We both lost.
She left me. And to my everlasting sadness it was too late to ever get her to come back.
But …
In that depth of sadness I learned something. I am going to call this step one.
Step One: Awareness
When I stopped pounding my head against the wall long enough to be aware of what was happening in my life I realized some powerful truths.
I realized that she wasn’t really all that bad, and that much of the blame fell squarely on my shoulders (which is step two, but we’ll get to that later), I also learned that I was a terribly reactive fool (which leads to step three), and that no matter how out of control it all seemed it was just the way I had created it (step four).
So step one is to stop. Stop in your tracks. Don’t think one more ugly thought. Don’t blame anyone. Don’t do one more thing – stop! Open your eyes and be aware of you.
Yes, focus on you – not on anyone else, just you. Be aware of what makes you feel the feelings you are feeling. Be aware of what triggers you have in place. Be aware of all the causes in your life, and all the effects they have caused. Just stop and be aware.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but chill out! Don’t move in any direction until you are aware of where you are.
Would you start on a long trip if you didn’t first know where you were currently? Sounds like a pretty stupid question doesn’t it?
Imagine wanting to take a trip to a neighboring state but you don’t know where you are to begin with; you wouldn’t know if you should go north, south, east, or west.
Isn’t it funny though, that many of us hate how things are but aren’t aware of where we really are.
I was depressed. I hated life. And if you asked me then I probably would have told you that I hated being married. But when I stopped and really began to be aware I realized that I loved my wife, I loved being married to her, and I loved my home. What I hated was really something else entirely.
You see, not knowing where I was caused me to create an even bigger problem. I caused damage to my marriage, to my relationship with my beautiful wife, and destroyed the thing I loved most. I went south when I should have gone north.
Before you do another thing – stop and be aware of where you are, who you are being, why you are behaving the way you are behaving, and what is causing you to feel the way you are feeling. Stop and be aware before you cause even more damage.
In the next article we will delve deeper into Step Two which has everything to do with you, and only you.
