How To Create Better Creations In Your Relationships?
Why do we get so dang reactive when it comes to our relationships? I mean, why do we always think that we are right and defend ourselves at any cost?
It goes like this:
I was looking for an air mattress last night that my sister-in-law asked to borrow. I looked high and low. When I asked my oldest son, who what watching television, he snapped at me. That irritated me. I then asked my youngest son, who pretty much ignored me and went on about his business.
I knew that one of them knew where it was and I knew that I hadn’t pressed hard enough. So I started on a rampage through the house, closets, and storage. The longer it took the more irritable I became.
I attempted to ask the boys one more time and got the same, if not worse, response then the first time.
I got angrier, and more frustrated. When I finally found it, it was sandwiched between two large bags that my youngest son had stacked on top of each other several weeks ago when he was looking for something.
I blew a gasket. I knew that one of them knew where it was. I was so angry. I came in with both barrels loaded and was spitting fire.
My youngest son’s response was, “Why are you getting mad at me?” It went downhill from there.
The more I pressed my anger the more defensive he got. I was right and he was wrong. He should have told me. He should have helped me look for it. He should have been more sympathetic to my needs. I was right and he was wrong.
Slow down Hoss. Get off your high horse and take a step back.
Neither of my boys had my same agenda at that moment. Each of them was doing their own thing at the moment. People forget. Two weeks earlier when my youngest had moved the air mattress his focus wasn’t on the air mattress it was on something else.
But I turned it into WWIII. I was right and justified to boot. And I was going to get justice. I was going to be vindicated.
Whoa boy… slow down there. Sounds to me that you were being reactive; plain and simple.
That is exactly what it was. I was behaving like a horribly reactive jerk.
Let me help you break this down. I was creating. You get that don’t you? You can see that what I was creating was a mess? I was tearing down the relationship I have with my sons.
We are always creating. You cannot not create.
So what should I have done? What should a Creator do?
Creators recognize that they are always creating, and that being reactive almost always creates a mess, or almost always creates creations of distrust, disharmony, anger, frustration, and destruction.
Since Creators realize that they have the power to create valuable and important creations instead of choosing to react they choose to create.
I could have created a happy environment. I could have bribed my sons. I could have created a game of it, a competition. I could have created a teaching moment. I could have helped my sons with what they were doing and then have them help me.
Bottom line is …
I could have created an experience that strengthened our relationship. Instead I created a mess.
What are you creating with your relationships?
You Don’t Need Creativity To Be A Creator
Did you know you don’t need creativity to be a creator?
Every time I talk about creation, creating, and creators inevitably someone brings up the thought that they don’t have a creative bone in their body, that they’re not creative, that they are not imaginative, they’re not artistic, they have no creativity, and that whatever I’m talking about is not interesting to them, because they just have never been very creative, and they don’t want talk about creativity.
Believe me, I understand. But what I’m about to say might actually clear this up for you forever.
You don’t need to be creative in order to create.
I want you to put a smile on your face. Do it right this very second.
Good.
There, you created. You just put a smile on your face, and that is a creation. The definition of “create” is to bring into existence, and the definition of “creator” is someone who brings things (creations) into existence. So by definition you are a creator. You brought something into existence – the smile that wasn’t there before.
And you didn’t even need creativity in order to create the smile. Creativity is not a prerequisite in order to create. It’s not even a necessary component. Creativity relates to the quality of your creation but it’s not necessary in order to bring a creation into existence.
So what does all this mean to you?
You need to recognize that you have the power to create whatever you want to create. The fact is, you are where you are today because you created what you are today. You are sitting where you’re sitting because you made the choice to sit there; you created that experience in your life. If you had desired to create a different experience you would be sitting somewhere else or walking somewhere else, or in a different place altogether. But you are where you are right now because you chose to be where you are right now – you created this experience.
If you recognize that everything you do is a creation then you can start to quantify or measure your creations. You could start to quantify and measure the creations that you create.
Then you could make your creations more valuable and important to you.
Have you sent out an e-mail today?
If you sent out an e-mail today you are a creator. You created that e-mail. That e-mail did not exist until you wrote it and sent it. Recognize that you created it.
Now you can measure it, and improve it. You can measure how fast that e-mail went out, how fast you typed it, and you can even measure the quality in which you typed it, how many words you typed, how many paragraphs, or how many sentences. You can measure how fast you typed it. You can measure even the quality of what you typed: did it communicate the message that you wanted it to communicate? Did it accomplish what you wanted it to accomplish? All those things you can measure and improve upon to make your creation more valuable and important. And again not a single one of those requires creativity, but nevertheless, sending that e-mail was indeed a creation that you created.
Since you can measure the creations that you create you can quantify the quality and value that you give your creations.
Too many people do not consciously create creations that are valuable in their lives. Instead they live their lives on autopilot, or they create by default; they don’t consciously create experiences that are valuable and important to them – they just live by default.
This morning did you consciously create a wonderful experience? Did you create a wonderful creation called “getting ready for work?” Was it a wonderful creation? Did you have joy in it? Did you make it a beautiful creation for the people around you to enjoy as well? Did you make it a beautiful creation for yourself? Did you make it a memorable beautiful creation for you? Or did you just wake up, hop in the shower, brush your teeth; you know, do the regular rigmarole and then come in to work?
Today I challenge you to look at the creations that you create and ask yourself is this a creation that I think is important, is it valuable, or is this a creation that I created by default?
You Are Important
I want you to know how important you are to my future success. I am not kidding. I mean it.
Too often we think that we are-all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips, that we can get along without anyone else’s help. But I recognize that this blog wouldn’t amount to anything if it weren’t for you.
I need readers. I need people who are actually interested in the subject of creation. I need people who want to be creators – or I am just sitting here typing on a blank wall.
You are important to me. You are the reason I am writing. I want you to know that I appreciate you.
Since this venture is relatively new. I haven’t spent a whole lot of time marketing this site. I intent on doing a ton of marketing these next few months, but for now this is just a beginning.
I would like to know what you would like me to write about. What interests you about creation? What do you want to know about being a creator? What is your perspective on the whole subject?
I would greatly appreciate your comments. I hope that we can begin a dialog about creation and creators. I am passionate about the subject and want to share my findings.
Send me a comment – I appreciate it!
Stop Resisting and Create Something Great!
In my work I have chosen the positive approach. I never think of myself as protesting against something, but rather as witnessing for harmonious living. Those who witness for, present solutions. Those who witness against, usually do not–they dwell on what is wrong, resorting to judgment and criticism and sometimes even name-calling. Naturally, the negative approach has a detrimental effect on the person who uses it, while the positive approach has a good effect. When an evil is attacked, the evil mobilizes, although it may have been weak and unorganized before, and therefore the attack gives it validity and strength. When there is no attack, but instead good influences are brought to bear upon the situation, not only does the evil tend to fade away, but the evildoer tends to be transformed. The positive approach inspires; the negative approach makes angry. When you make people angry, they act in accordance with their base instincts, often violently and irrationally. When you inspire people, they act in accordance with their higher instincts, sensibly and rationally. Also, anger is transient, whereas inspiration sometimes has life-long effect.
Peace Pilgrim
What you resist persists. If you are pushing against something then it is for sure pushing back. This just happens to be one of those irrefutable laws that cannot be changed.
It’s as powerful as the law of gravity. In fact the law of gravity helps this law out. Think about pumping iron. What force pulls the weights downward? Gravity.
I’m just want you to think about it for a few minutes. Is there something in your life that you don’t want, but day in, day out you push against it, you resist it? If so, then know that you are giving it life. You are the one giving it the strength to live on in your life.
If you are poor and you are resisting poverty then you are the one who is allowing poverty to live in your existence. If you are sick and you keep popping pills, or going to the doctors, or thinking about how awful you feel – you are the one who is giving that disease the life it needs to live on.
I know this is all so much easier said than done, but you are your creator. Always have been – always will be . . .
Create something great!
Don’t Waste Another Day …
I just came across this quote and thought that I would say a few things about it:
“Often we allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget. We lose many irreplaceable hours brooding over grievances that, in a year’s time, will be forgotten by us and by everybody. No, let us devote our life to worthwhile actions and feelings, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring undertakings.”
Andre Maurois
1885-1967, Writer
We do don’t we? spend too much, way too much time worrying about small things that should rather be forgotten or despised. The other day my son went through a traumatic (for him at least) event. His girlfriend moved on with her life and broke up. For days he could think of nothing but how sad he was that she no longer had feelings for him.
I’d talk with him for hours, and think that I was making a little bit of headway to help him get over her and then he would respond, “But do you think she still have feelings for me?” What, was I talking to myself?
It then dawned on me that he was looking at life through Rachel-colored-glasses. And as long as he was wearing those glasses he could think of nothing but how everything related to and about her. I told him that he would look back in a year upon this time in his life and he will regret it, or better – he will have forgotten it all together.
Life is too short to waste your time wearing glasses tinted with things you’d be better off despising or forgetting.
So what colored glasses are you wearing? Maybe it’s time to take them off and get busy devoting your time to worthwhile actions. Perhaps it’s time you start creating a magnificent life.
Go ahead, take them off and start creating.
